It sure has been a while....
Am actually wondering did you ever read that letter, or used the sketchbook I got you at all. Felt like maybe you might have threw it away or something once you've unwrapped that gift lel. Time sure has passed and our lives probably had long moved on. Maybe I'm still in your thoughts, maybe I'm not~
Does it matter though? After all my decision was to remove myself from your life for good in hopes of you living a happier life. When I tried talking to you again despite what I stated in the letter about forgetting each other, I somehow felt like I may be causing more pain to either one of us. That's when I decide it's best we cease knowing each other's existence. Thing is by doing that I ain't sure are you any happier or whatsoever. Me? Well, time hasn't been exactly been nice to me. Once you were gone my life just sorta went downhill. Lotsa things happened, some things were lost along the way. I've left some nice folks behind, some left me behind, while some died. After months of trying to cope with the pain, it just went away like last month.
And now here I stand, being all dead inside. All the emotional pains that I suffered eventually became an annoying itch. Memories of being with you haunts me from time to time. The thought of unable to be by your side anymore withered along with my old self. And all the hopes and dreams of all that could ever happened between us just vanish.
Y'know, I practically planned a lot of things I wanted to do with ya once the last paper was over. I could've done so much more but I wasn't given the chance. I somehow noticed that you didn't want to go on with the relationship anymore, but I just shrug it off, thinking that it must be me mind feeling all paranoid and shit. Even had to sit down with a buddy of mine and share a cup of tea while telling him about how I had the feeling that you did not want to continue any further. Then almost a week later I got that message from you. One paragraph of it. I'd sulk about it right now but at this point all of my tears have all dried up.
What does it even feel like though? To have the last best thing you have to disappear from your life? I wouldn't know since the old me has already died, bringing everything with him while leaving echoes behind. You were once the closest thing he had ever genuinely loved. To have grew up in a world of deceit and lies, for one moment you became his very own sun. That warm embrace was all he needed. Then BAM! Gone from his life the next second, leaving him to drown in the abysmal void where his inner demon lurks.
Maybe he's cursing you for killing him, or mayhaps he was already dead before he had the chance to do so. Can't say the same for myself. I for one never blamed you for anything. You are never at fault, that's all I can say. I only wish that you could've given me the answer that the old me wanted so badly. I just want to know the true reason. It just feels like you weren't all honest to me at times. Sigh.
Regardless, I just wish that you are living a happier life without me. Though I ain't exactly better off without you. Truth to be told, I wish that someday, somehow we could start all over again and I or maybe we could relive those fleeting moments once more. I have once pledged that you are to be my first and last, and also promised to never leave your side. Is the old Jane still there I wonder? If you ever wanna talk...I'm always here.